i know its days after exams but still i want to say...





finally! exams are over.



i know i screwed up badly for ief.
but... will worry about it the day the results are released.
more importantly now is to play hard.

*


now am on the verge of recovering from sore throat, though my throat still kinda sore.
and! completely recovered from fever! so happy!
i thought i've contracted dengue fever.
was feeling so moody and terrible, like all happiness gone out of me.



so i spent my days reading books.

i've just started on harry potter and the deadly hallows and never once had that book left my hands unless of course during bathe time and bedtime.
totally immersed in it.

*


i know i am not typing under a moment of anger nor is there any intense feeling inflicted on me.
i am absolutely clear about what i am typing and meaning it.


i guess the crack of our friendship will remain and i strongly believe i will never let that crack fade, unlike scars that will slowly fade as time passes.
selfish, ignorant, childish close-minded as many will say.

but i don't care less.
once my mind is set, nothing and i mean really nothing will be able to change it.
don't ever doubt what i can do when my mind is set.


but don't worry, the pretence will still be there.


i laugh at my own stupidity wonder why i ever believed in you, why i ever told you things, why i ever share any secrets with you, why i never see through you earlier and why i even convinced myself that you aren't like that.


anyway all these WHYs aren't important anymore.

importance is now i learnt not to share anything with you, learnt to draw a line between you and me, learnt not to be too truthful around you and learnt to keep my attitude towards you unchanged but at the same time changing to become more hostile, otherwise all else unchanged.

all these will be a better measure than having you betarying the friendship.


i mock at the fine line between friendship and enemy overnight.
time can really prove or put to test one's friendship.

*



here's some photos that i have been wanting to put up but keep forgetting.

here's the incompleted project's overrall summary on the title 'New Markets and Financial Instruments. we forgot to take the completed one due to the lack of time.


i remembered putting in hours doing all the way up till 4am plus and re-correcting the lines since it's really ugly and i find it unpresentable in any way.


the correction of those revolting lines took me almost 3 hours whereby i think i would have gone to bed earlier without those horrible unpresentable lines.


though this overrall summary aren't as essential (but still necessary) as the report. oh ya, thanks to ben and norman who had helped.
nevertheless, i shall complaint less. since the hardwork is paid off by the grades we were awarded.







those where the stress revision days. messy table.

closer look at what am studying. fmgt.

Labels: just so randomly

Saturday, August 04, 2007

study!

i just can't seem to finished studying.
am afraid that i can't finished studying.
am so stress that i can almost drop tears.


i feel that i have let my parents down.
the more they dote on me, the more guilty i felt.
when they bring me to eat fine cuisine, i feel the guilty-ness in me.
when they allow me to do things that i thought they won't, i feel guilty.


i don't deserve such good things, when i feel that i have let my parents down, when I didn't study hard enough, when i feel that i can't meet my parents' expectation.

yea, so what if i have been awarded the bursary?
it still can't change the fact that i still have lots to study.


sad.

_______________________________________________________________________________________


i’m stunt.
i didn't know you can have such an impact on me.


when you talk to me, i feel that nothing is impossible.
when you talk to me, i feel that whatever happens, no matter how difficult the situation is, i can face it.
like even if the sky is to topple from above, you will be there to hold it.
when you asking me small little questions, “are you alright?” “you okay?” “ni ke yi ma?” am happy enough.


but i know it's just so impossible.
i know its not going to happen.

i know all i want and wish to do now is to study and think of nothing else.

______________________________________________________________________________________

****. destroyer msg me. =.="
why can't you just leave me alone?!
sudden msg will scare me.
am having enough problems without you bothering me already.

Labels: when can i smile happily again?